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“When COVID restrictions were removed, we had to deal with the freedom of being unmasked. Why is so difficult to let go of what we once didn’t like but finally got used to?”
Masks during COVID were necessary for most until vaccines changed the rules. Some were ready for freedom but others continued to live with fear. I do not want to debate the science. I want to focus on behavior to make a bigger point. Think for a moment how something we didn’t like to do became so much a part of our routine that (even with being vaccinated) it was a little difficult to adapt to a new behavior. We hated masks but grew dependent on them. We debated, but wore them. We weren’t comfortable with them but got used to a new behavior. But then we were afraid to let go. In some ways it is like guilt and grace. When we do what we shouldn’t do, we try to hide it. When we fear being judged guilty, we try to mask our discomfort and hide in any way that we can. It is like a little white lie that leads to a different little lie to cover the first one and then more after that. Over time, we even find ways to convince ourselves the mistakes we have made aren’t really that bad. Sometimes we try to convince ourselves they have never happened. As we run, hide, or make excuses, it is like wearing a mask to keep others from seeing the truth of our imperfect lives. It is an attempt at protecting ourselves from any punishment or disclosure that can embarrass or hurt us.
Such is life. Sin covers what is good and seeks to hide what is wrong and hurtful. God’s grace is an unmasking and the promise of freedom from the burdens of guilt. It removes the self-protective masks we’ve thought so necessary and have gotten so used to. Jesus carries our disturbing actions and moments away, creating a new life changed by the undeserved gifts powered by the cross and empty tomb. Forgiveness uncovers and erases guilt, period! But it is difficult for us to live as free people. We have hidden for so long that we fear such a gift is too good to be true. We are tempted to keep some protection around just in case. We want to be forgiven but, on our terms, and under our control. It takes trust to live as forgiven people because we must first admit the need for forgiveness. I want to be free from sin, but there are some things I want to pretend I really haven’t done, and I worry that someday someone may find out. So I hang on to what I should let go of, just in case … just in case. The gift of Jesus’s grace calls me to be honest with myself and God about how far I often fall and then to celebrate how lovingly God holds on tight and lifts me no matter what.
After my wife’s death, I had such difficulty dealing with my grief and wasn’t the best dad my daughter needed and deserved. I was so selfishly overwhelmed with my pain that I was unable to understand hers. I wanted her to be strong and move on, while I wasn’t practicing what I preached. And in hanging on to my needs, I wasn’t taking care of hers. I was so selfishness with my loss, I forgot that hers was just as intense and, in a way, my selfishness was keeping her only parent from acting like a parent. I have learned over the years from such mistakes but would rather mask my weakness and pretend I had done better than I did. And I have allowed some of that guilt to remain. But if I truly believe in the wonderful, undeserved love Jesus offers, shouldn’t I celebrate such a gift and quit covering up what God promises has been forgiven? Why do I need to fear being discovered or fail to admit my many mistakes? How much better it is to accept what has been given out of love and learn to share that same love much better tomorrow than I may have yesterday?
If I am forgiven before I have even been born, that really does mean God’s love is stronger than my weakness! If I surrender my weakness to God is that not like taking off my mask after being vaccinated and living with the freedom that had given? Is that not a wonderful example and understanding of what grace truly entails? But there is so much we just can’t let go of, like boxes of old books, many of which will never be used or needed again. Or closets full of clothes that are out of style (and don’t even fit anymore.) Forgiveness means we don’t need to hang on to what we don’t need to hang on to. Jesus begs us to believe that in sharing his love for us our weaknesses and blemishes are healed and we no longer need the burden of all the heavy loads he as lifted off our backs. That is the peace which comes with his grace. Do you remember as little kids how excited we were to find a beautiful butterfly or a caterpillar more colorful and fuzzier than we had ever seen? Maybe you found a toad or a frog. And we always did the same thing. We got a jar, filled it with grass or weeds, and dropped our valuable discovery inside. Then we poked holes in the lid so our prize could breathe, and we had something special to share. Maybe it went with us to school on a day for show-and-tell, and maybe it just stayed on the shelf in our bedroom so we could watch it every day. And the same thing often happened. If we hung on to it too long, it died. That was never part of the plan and brought about some of the first feelings of guilt many of us encountered as we realized it was our fault!
We all have times when it is difficult to let go of what is near and dear, especially when it is someone we love and cannot imagine being without. How difficult was it when your firstborn child left home, a marriage ended, or a parent died? There are moments in which we refuse to let go. And the pain of even considering such a move is more than we can bear. Many years ago, I had to face the reality my wife was dying. It was the most difficult moment I had ever faced, and I was not ready for what was coming next. I didn’t want to admit it was happening, and I couldn’t imagine it was anything more than a terrible dream. And yet I kept waking up to the same reality. I was going to be alone, and that was not something I could imagine or wanted to face. She was incredible in how she helped all her family and friends to deal with what she couldn’t escape. Her faith gave her courage beyond anything I had ever witnessed, and her love gifted me more than I deserved. And the lessons I learned from that time must be shared as that helped bring something positive out of a terrible and painful moment.
One day she told me she knew she was dying, and that moment was getting near. She said it was becoming more difficult for her to face because I wouldn’t let her go. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I understood, but I couldn’t let go. My response was that when the time came, I would let go, but I wasn’t ready! And I’d never forget what she said next. She said it wasn’t up to me when that time would come. She told me I was not failing her by letting go. It was not my fault, and it was not her desire. But it was coming soon. I thought love meant I had to hold her tighter than I ever had before, but she was telling me something totally different. She said, “If you really love me, you have to let me go.” She understood the freedom of grace and wanted to help me to unwrap that gift which already had changed her dying. I so thankful for the love that has inspired it. She was tired. She was ready for heaven. But she was worried about her family and needed me to do what I had to do. She needed to know that I would accept what was happening whether I liked it or not. I thought I was showing love by holding on so tight, and she said it was in letting go that my love would give her the peace that she needed.
Jesus had helped his disciples prepare for his own death with similar words as he used the example of planting a seed. He said only by letting go and planting that seed, where it could not be seen, could it achieve its potential. It had to be buried in the earth so that it could later sprout and bear fruit. It is only in Jesus’s death that we can have life. It is in surrender that faith takes over where our control fails. If God can change death by his surrender and letting go of what we hang on to so dearly, then life takes on a new power and joy that will be impossible without that great surrender. My wife’s death did not have the same power as that of Jesus, and yet it had the power that Jesus’s life and death and resurrection brought about. And she shared that surrender of faith with me and helped me see that in letting go, I was, in fact, showing greater love than I could muster on my own. As she taught me about the surrender of faith, she helped me grow into my faith so that it was more than a concept or words but an existence that gave me life in the midst of death. Many of you have been blessed in your journey by others as I have been. In sharing what I have learned about surrender of faith, I pray that her gift to me will be a gift to you. She has been like that, and such sharing guides me to understand why letting go has helped me grow.