Guilt

“How do you decide what to save or recycle, and what should be hauled away forever?”

How do you handle feelings of guilt, especially those that are just too late to do anything about? There are so many ways that we hurt or ignore others and so many situations we wish we could revisit and change. But the past is always history, and guilt is one of the most difficult issues for any to deal with.  We wish we could change what we cannot, and we have trouble finding peace as we reflect on missed opportunities or mistakes that haunt us. Guilt is a powerful force that can hold us back like a lead weight or an anchor dragging behind us. Our embarrassment due to guilt is a force with greater influence on tomorrow than we understand or admit. So, until whatever guilt or shame we carry is buried or removed, no amount of resolve will allow us the freedom to become what we are capable of being.

I ask about dealing with our waste, as all of us carry more guilt than we can deal with and often don’t know what to do with it other than stare at it, remember it, or allow it to drag us down or wind up inflicting our frustrations on those around us.  There has to be a better way, and for people of faith, God’s love gives us some guidance, some hope, and some peace.  For years I was troubled by something I had done as a six-year-old. It was so selfish and disrespectful to my dad that I never could get that image out of my mind. It hadn’t even been malicious but simply something a six-year-old was prone to do without thinking. My dad had taken time off from work to do something special for me, so that we could have some time together, but I was so preoccupied with my own routine and self-absorbed emotions that I ignored him and treated him like I didn’t even know who he was.  It was not the only thing I wish I could have changed in my behavior as a child or even as an adult. This is one moment that continued to haunt me as an adult. It was not until I was able to talk to Dad many years later that I could resolve that guilt.

One summer I was alone with Dad.  I reminded him about that day, what I did, and how it still troubled me. He said nothing at first. His response was he couldn’t even remember it had happened.  Why did it take so long for me to be reminded of something so simple?  Grace is so effortless we assume we must have missed some fine print.  But all we miss is allowing God’s love free reign.  After being I realized that decades earlier, maybe even that same day, he had let go of what I was hanging on to for too long. In that exchange, I understood better than I ever had before the power of forgiveness and grace. My father’s actions defined grace. And I understood as well that I could not erase guilt for my actions because they stood the test of time. Someone else had to free me from my imprisonment.

As believers we easily use words like grace to describe God’s, love but fail to put them into practice in our own living. We say the right words, believe the right things, but for some weird reason often don’t put them into practice.  Failing to accept God’s grace, as a free and underserved gift, is like staring at a brightly wrapped present but never opening it so see what is inside.  Continuing to give guilt free reign allows our   imperfections past to exert more power over us than we are aware. Guilt is nothing more than allowing the past to control our present.  It gives permission for my feelings or fears to have more power than God’s love which has promised not only to take away the sin of the world, but mine as well.  

When we finally surrender to god’s grace, we discover how much easier it is to break free from the anchor of guilt than we have ever imagined. There is so much we cannot change, but God’s love allows us to walk away from a guilty past to freely do what we could have done in the first place. Forgiveness allows us a fresh beginning every day! Rather than be burdened by what we cannot change, we are called to joyfully and lovingly do now what we really can and should do. With guilt off the table, all sorts of possible new scenarios exist.  

Several times a year the city trucks pick up all the junk that is cleaned out of basements, attics, and garages. For weeks neighborhood curbsides are lined with mattresses, old bookshelves, discarded water heaters, broken lawn equipment, and rusted-out grills. And that is just the beginning.  As soon as junk starts piling on the streets, there is the noise every night of pickup trucks trolling the streets, looking for useful junk, such as metal for recycling or old motors that can be repaired. Couches, chairs, and broken tables likely wind up in summer lake cottages. Like ants crawling over food dropped in the grass at a picnic, there are pickup trucks combing our streets night after night, looking for something useful in what others feel is only junk.

What was silly on my part was there was more that I wanted to hang on to than let go of.  Unwilling to part with junk that had a few more years of life, I couldn’t let go, even though I should have. As I finally surrendered useless stuff, I’ll never forget my dismay when the scavengers didn’t want anything I had thrown out. I was devastated! The city would still haul it, but what was wrong with my discards that no one else found them valuable? Think about how absurd that sounds, and yet my feelings were really hurt!  Let this be a parable for how we allow guilt to fester and hold us back.  We have hidden guilt, embarrassing moments, decisions we would rather forget, and they are hung on to like junk in a closet. Sooner or later, we need to let go, for until we clean them out, those issues can haunt us and remind us of what we will just as soon forget.  Confession is simply giving to God the rot and decay that is a burden on my living, and begins the wonderful renewal of healing and peace.  There is something cathartic about letting go of what can’t help us and what is not useful. We should learn to do it more often than we do. And what’s most surprising is that we often find out that what we are so embarrassed about or fear no one will even notice are the most important things to surrender. When it is time to let go, it is time to surrender. And once we do, walk away, or as Jesus taught, learn from your mistakes and try not to fall into that same pit again.  

When my broken, useless, damaged, and guilty moments are surrendered to God it is like the image of city trucks coming door to door and making certain that no scraps, leftovers, and unwanted junk remain. That is so much like the forgiving love of a servant shepherd like Jesus. What we can’t deal with, he has. What we can’t surrender, he carries on his back. What we are embarrassed about, he accepts anyway, and he offers only the freedom of forgiving love in return. There is nothing more cleansing than grace!  Jesus came to embrace every part of our living.  He came to share in our joy and carry away our burdens.  Allowing guilt free reign is simply giving the devil control over what God has assured us he would care away … and it is a free service of love, called grace.

Years ago, I hurt a girlfriend’s feelings for no other reason but my immaturity and selfishness. Our young relationship was over, but for years my stupid selfishness haunted me. Twenty years later I was able to find her phone number, and even though we lived thousands of miles away I was able to admit to her my selfishness and ask for her forgiveness.  I had carried that pain too long and needed her to hear how sorry I really was… She thanked me and then laughed, saying she had down far worse to others and had forgotten my actions soon after they happened.  She understood grace much earlier in the game than I did.  But finally, that undeserved love set me free.  Why did I hang on to something that was useless for me to keep carrying for so long? In my confession and her forgiveness, a weight was lifted, and something hanging in my unconscious was finally hauled away. That is precisely what God’s loving purpose and sacrifice for us is all about—so that we might unburden our souls and have our spirits returned, renewed, and full of peace.   This love of God is not something we deserve, but having been blessed with such an incredible gift, how can we not live with a commitment to a new today and tomorrow that is free from the weight restrictions and burdens that guilt seeks to impose?   His grace alone is what can wipe every slate clean.  All that is left is to decide whether you will hang onto your guilt or put it out on the curb for Jesus to haul it away!