Every time I mention my complicated relationship with our beagle, I get suggestions or sympathy for my cause. I appreciate that but we are actually growing on each other in subtle ways. I occasionally lay down with Bosco on his bed in our guest room and pretend to take a nap. When I approach him in his safe place, he is less wary of my presence than if I approach him where he doesn’t feel as secure. The other night he was sitting on my side of the couch, rather than his usual spot next to Roxanne. I slowly sat down, and scratched his ears till he fell asleep. That was a new experience which I appreciated more than Roxanne, as she feared Bosco had switched allegiances (as if that would ever happen!) In that moment, he had more trust in me than is usual.
Bosco’s issue are not with me, but with things that happened during the three years he was a living test tube, caged in a research lab. That part of his life can never be erased, but knowing and accepting the reality of his past mitigates many of our awkward moments. If I make his nervousness toward me about me, I will only be frustrated. In considering what he has endured, it is easier to celebrate good moments rather than selfishly complain when I think he is being unfair toward me. As with much of life, perspective and understanding go a long way.
We all have had moments of surprise and disappointment when someone’s attitude or actions to us make no sense. When personal attack or avoidance have no basis in personal history or fact, our first response is to react in kind, which only guarantees an escalation of dis-ease. Often such actions are based on issues from one’s past, or even a personality disorder, rather than having anything to do with you are me. Unless we know what such issues are, we will never understand why someone acts toward us the way they do. And even if we understand, their feelings or actions toward you or me might never change. What alone can change is how I respond.
In admitting I am not the most important person in any room, I am less likely to overreact or be offended when someone else’s actions might really be beyond their control and caused by issues and factors they might not even understand. I might not care about the cause of another’s dysfunction, but God’s love is supposed to know no bounds. Patience, humility, and self-control are fruits of God’s Spirit that can change how I live with what is unfair, even if someone else doesn’t change their actions toward me. Knowing I am not the cause doesn’t change my discomfort or confusion, but helps me remember it might not be about me either. Bosco is a living parable of reminding what my faith journey seeks to teach. Love and acceptance are gifts for me to share, rather than rights that I can demand from others. If God can love me despite my weaknesses, it surely brings a new perspective to how I live.